The difference between an ordinary person and a warrior is that the warrior takes everything as a challenge, while the ordinary person takes everything as a blessing or a curse. — Castaneda
Humanity's great teachers say suffering is inevitable; it is part of the human condition.
Even if we grow up in the best conditions, painful experiences are unavoidable. Things will never always be as we want.
There are different degrees of pain and suffering. Although pain is inevitable, one thing NLP teaches us is what to do with painful experiences.
We can learn from them, shorten their duration, reduce their intensity through dissociation, give them an enriching meaning, and discover whether they contain a message that may prevent us experiencing them again. We have many options.
Pain is said to be an excellent teacher. Some changes can only happen when we go through pain. It makes us more sensitive, more vulnerable and less omnipotent.
We grow through the joy of our achievements and good experiences, and through painful experiences.
What happens to us matters as much as what we do with it. Every experience includes the event itself and the conclusions we draw. In the long term, those conclusions are generally more important than the experience, because the experience passes and the conclusions remain.
A long-distance coach crashes; two passengers injure their arms.
Passenger one thinks: “Why did I get on this coach? I have bad luck; something unfortunate always happens to me. I was going on holiday, and now I have to put up with this cast. I will not be able to swim in the sea.”
Passenger two thinks: “Thank you, God, for saving my life. It was a miracle; I was very fortunate. I will do my best to recover as soon as possible.”
Traumatic experiences shape our beliefs, thoughts and feelings. Traces may remain in our bodies: tension, trembling, fear or hypervigilance. They leave their mark on our rational and irrational aspects and our emotions.
Sometimes, with time, we become grateful that something initially traumatic happened.
Long ago, a man was left by a woman who suddenly decided she no longer wanted to be with him. Recovery took a long time. Today he thanks her for leaving, because it enabled personal changes that allowed him to approach relationships differently.
A woman, a mother and homemaker in a comfortable financial position, learns that her husband has lost his job. After an initial period of bewilderment, they decide together to start a new activity.
With no choice but to work, she can begin a professional activity without guilt about leaving her children in someone else's care. Today she is an excellent professional who devotes herself to both her career and her children.
Everything that happens in life and every decision has short- and long-term effects. When immersed in a situation, we can see only the short-term effect; over time we recognise the long-term one.
Before an important decision, we can look at our “timeline” and consider its short- and long-term effects, giving us more tools to make the right choice.
Mónica Lewin, Licensed Psychologist
Psychologist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming trainer, international coach and Gestalt therapist.
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